Compassion vs Empathy

By July 8, 2020August 14th, 2020Attitude and mindset
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Hey guys, welcome back to Pyjama Bosses TV and yes, as you probably heard in today’s episode, it is kind of a, probably a sticky one. And the reason I’m saying that is, I don’t know if you ever feel like at the end of the day, you’re pretty tired. Um, it feels like sometimes you, you stop kind of enjoying the business that you started and it feels like you don’t want to talk to anyone. Have you ever felt like that? Have you ever felt like that yet? Okay. So the reason I’m saying that is because this is why the topic of today’s, you know, the difference or being an empath versus, you know, being compassionate and understanding, there is a big difference

For this of you that are quite visual.

I’m going to be going into my computer, you know, in a few seconds or a few minutes, and I’m going to be kind of sharing with you a little bit of drawing. So you can have a big, uh, like a visual image of what it means to do one in the other. And there is a big difference. Now, the reason I’m sharing this with you today is again, no, we are not, nobody’s perfect. Right. And we only to understand who we are in what triggers us. Right. And what are the things that are kind of draining our energy? What are the things that we feel empowered? And we do more of, right. And within that, we need to do one thing, right. Which is to manage the energy that we have throughout the day. You know, some people will call, like if you had a hundred units, right.

And at the end of the day, in an ideal day, you basically, before, right before you go to bed, maybe you have used all those energy or all of those units of energy, like the hundred units. Right. That will probably be, you know, again, uh, in my eyes, probably the perfect day, right? In terms of the energy, have you been managing that, you know, and then you recharge and the following morning, again, you have recharged so much that you have another hundred units of energy to use throughout the day. You know, and again, whatever I’m saying, you know, I’m not a psychologist, I’m not a psychiatry is not a personal development speaker or anything of that sort. You know, I just try to understand for me, how can I become more effective and productive throughout the day now in regards to those units of energy, for example, you know, um, have you ever failed that?

Let’s say that if you had a hundred units of energy, they have basically they’re gone, you know, halfway through the day sometimes. And it has nothing to do when I’m talking about the energy, I’m talking about how you feel, you know, it’s nothing to do with the actual energy that you feel, but how you feel about, you know, maybe doing some work for your business or maybe hiding and not talking to anyone, you know, have you ever felt that you’re talking to people and after talking to two, three, four or five people, or how many hire many people you talk throughout the day, that’s you just don’t want to talk to anyone anymore because it’s just, you can’t handle that anymore. Right now. This is why one of the reasons that this happens is because we tend to be very understanding about people’s situation, but we tend to buy into their own life.

And, and we cannot get involved in, in feeling and putting ourselves in their shoes. Right. You’ve heard that before, I’m putting myself in someone else’s shoes. And when you do that, sometimes if you’re not mindful of it, what happens is that you start feeling what they’re feeling now, technically it’s like, you know, in a way it’s like you’re taking them, putting them on your back and carrying them around. And then you meet with the next person. You have a conversation about the business, the things that are not happening, uh, you know, all these things that they’re upset about in their life, you know, that affects the business. And then you kind of, because you want to empathize with them, right. Sometimes as they build rapport, but then it crosses the line into empathize. Right? Then you go and again, you buy into their own life and then you put yourself in their shoes again.

And then it’s the second person that you’re carrying on your back does sound familiar, maybe sometimes. And eventually you feel so tired. And so like, everything is heavy right now. That is kind of a little bit like in a, in a, in a way being an empath. Now, what I’m talking about today is about managing that, but still being effective of helping people, you know, because again, the challenge we’ve been an empire sometimes is that eventually you run out of energy because you are giving the energy to everybody, right? And eventually you have no energy. So you run out of it. And when you actually need to help the next person, you can’t, or you can, because there isn’t any that has, you have nothing to give. Right? So instead of that, on the other side, let’s talk about being compassionate and understanding compassionate understanding in my world, in my world, I guess in my own understanding is to steal as much as I can of quote unquote can put myself in someone else’s shoes.

I have a line, a virtual, you know, hypothetical line in between myself and the person that I’m talking to, right. Where I never cross any, somebody wants to cross that line is the person that I’m talking to, to come on my side, to understand that at the end of the day, no matter what happens in their life, they’re going to have to, you know, create the results so they can get out of their situation that they have. Is that making sense so far? Maybe I’m just a little bit theoretically here talking and speaking, and it gets a little bit confusing, right? So again, on a nutshell, basically compassionate and understanding is you are talking to someone, right? And they are telling you the challenges they’re having in their life. And you do understand those challenges. You can, you know, relate to those, but yet you’re not buying into their excuses and feeling sorry for them in a way that then you go there and you carrying them on your back.

So you can now, you know, do some kind of, you know, in, in, I mean, in the best possible way to do some charity, right. In a way that you feel so sorry for them, that you want to do it for them. Right. You know, on the other side, you know, being compassionate means, yes, I understand your situation. And I understand that, that, you know, basically it’s not the best situation to be in, and I understand your challenges, but here’s the solution. And this is how we’re going to come up with a solution. And this is what you need to take responsibility for, to get out of where you are. In the meantime, I will be here. I’m going to extend that, helping hand to you. And as long as you grab a chest to get out of where you are, I will help you, but I’m not gonna extend that hand and then go back to your level, because now we’re both in that same situation and I can afford myself to be in a situation like that because there is other people that need my attention and my energy, so I can actually help them.

Is that making sense so far now, as I said, for those of you that are more visual, that I am visual, I don’t know. I need to see things sometimes to see how, how they work and have a mental picture kind of helps. I’m going to go back to my office right here, and I’m going to draw a few things and hopefully that helps you to understand how to beat what I mean. Okay. So give me two seconds. I’m going to set up the computer and I’ll explain that again, in a mental picture, how you can probably sometimes, you know, make sure that you don’t cross that line. So you have that energy throughout the day, so you can help everybody. Okay. I’ll see you now.

Excellent. Here I am. Uh, so again, as I said, we are very visual. This might help you always to have that mental image of, you know, um, what is that line that I was talking about? Or what’s a mental picture you should have when you’re talking to someone. So you’re aware that if you cross that line, you may meet, you may be giving away more of the energy that you probably could or should, um, you know, to be effective. And again, everything that we do has consequences, right? So, you know, I’m not saying that you should not care about people, or did you ignore other people or anything like that. I’m just saying that for those of you that want to help others, you know, you need to first take care of yourself in a way that you have, you know, that you’re in a situation that you can actually help.

Right. First of all right. So anyway, I’m going to share this screen with you guys. And, um, we’re going to talk about, um, you know, those mental images now, um, as I’m sharing this screen with you, um, one of the things that obviously for those of you who are in this system, it’s software and software, what is that here? Yeah. So one of the things that I wanted to share with you for those of you that are technical, obviously if you go to what empathy means, you know, it’s the capability or the capacity to understand or feel another person experiencing from within their frame of reference is the capacity to place oneself in another position, right? Um, again, what is then compassion? Well, compassion, you know, and what want people to go out of their way and help physical, mental, or emotional things of others and themselves.

You know, again, pretty much as you probably can see, I don’t know if there’s much difference. And again, English is not my first language, but I would say that they look pretty, you know, they are different. They don’t seem very different at the same time, which is caring about people, right. Um, but again, being able to kind understand it and being able to kind of see when you’re crossing that line, you may help you to stay more on the side where you’re going to keep that energy. Okay. And as you can see here on the screen, you know, there is a couple of features that I, that I kind of put here. And, um, here’s kind of the first one. So on the right hand side, we have what you would be empathy now they’re, there were blue kind of a stick man that will be you.

And let’s say the black one is, you know, the person that you are having a conversation with, the person that you have in your team, that person that seems to be attracted to maybe drama sometimes, you know, those are the ones that you probably would agree with. Neither are the ones that kind of drive your energy most the most. Right. And in that situation, let’s say here, for example, you know, um, you know, this is kind of the line and the way I kind of picture sometimes with the people are they seem to be a hole or in a, in a, in a situation where they feel like they are down and everything, right. So in that regards, you know, for me, you know, doing it the way that, or way that I used to do it, you know, I would come down yeah. Here.

And I don’t know about you, but I would come down here. And basically, you know, in my mind I would build a ladder down. And instead of getting that person to come up here, you know, what I would do is instead of doing that, you know, I would be kind of the one climbing down the ladder. If it makes any sense, I will be the one coming here and coming to their level, having a conversation and trying to convince this person right. To come out and guess what, if you, will you ever try that, you know, that doesn’t really happen most of the time, because once you’ve done this, this one time, guess what happens the next time, the next time, this person, what is, what are they going to do? Well, last time, you know, Miguel kind of came in, kind of help me.

So maybe this time, maybe I can come and help me again, because he makes me feel good about my situation, you know, and why would I get out at the end of the day, I’m getting his attention and that’s all I want, you know? And again, the second time it happens the same that the third time, and eventually is this a situation where we get sick and tired of what the one person or a few people. And then we ended up not even talking to them, maybe because we are too tired, we ignore them. And then this person gets upset. Makes sense. So far, yes. Now here’s the other situation, you know, again, I’m not telling, I’m not saying it just to kind of clarify. I’m not saying that, you know, this is right or wrong. Okay. I’m just, again, stating this a situation where, you know, for me being an empath, that I am, you know, I need to be aware of, right.

I need to understand it. Right. So then I can manage my energy better and I can help more people and be more effective. Right? So on the other hand, you know, being compassionate and understanding, or have compassion and understanding for someone, this is what it means to me. It means that again, you’re going to have a line that you’re not going to cross, and while you’re going to be doing this, you can look it up whichever way you’re going to build that bridge. And that bridge is about, you know, them understanding that there is certain responsibilities that need to agree upon, right? Certain things that they need to want to change, which is the main thing, right? And the next thing is I need to be willing to take action, you know, action. And the very last thing, which is the super important one, which is to take responsibility for where they’re at, there is absolutely zero tolerance for excuses, because the moment you tolerate their excuses, what you’re buying into is exactly the situation.

You know, when you feel sorry for someone and you actually buy into their excuses and their situation, why they are there, you’re pretty much buying into their excuses and you’re actually coming down to their level or coming to their situation or into their lives. And for as long as you do that, you know, there is no need for this person to change in here. What I am going to do is I’m going to, again, from my side, encourage that person and, you know, empower that person and give them tools like, hopefully something like this, where, you know, by me educating, and this is kind of the bottom line of everything, you know, um, education, right? Educating someone. So they’re aware the reason they are there and they understand that. So they don’t come back to that situation. And if they do, they have the capability to get out of it.

That’s what this is all about, you know? And in an empathetic way, you know, if you feel for someone who’s, again, it’s like, you’re carrying this person on your shoulder and then you meet the next one and the next one and the next one. And eventually you are so tired. You have more energy for yourself or anybody else. All right. So in here I am coaching people through what needs to be done in order for them to get out of the situation that they have currently. You know, that’s kind of the bottom line. And again, if you feel, if you’re feeling like you are, you know, this type of person that you tend to relate sometimes too much to people and you cross that line and you become, you know, an empath, it loses all the energy and you get sick and tired of doing the business.

And that here’s the consequences of all this. You know, when you’re building networks of distribution or you’re talking to, you know, creating big teams, eventually you’re gonna not want to have those big teams. Although you, some in some level you probably do you in a level, I would say you probably don’t want to have those big teens. It goes, imagine having a hundred times as many challenges as you’re having right now. And you can’t, and you cannot hardly cope, you know, with the ones that you have, imagine when the team kind of 10 X or a hundred X, right? So you being able to manage, you know, and again, nothing is perfect in his life. And it’s always about, you know, balancing, you know, that, you know, um, that life that we all have and making sure that in life, at the end of the day is your results or excuses.

And one of the excuses is I’m too tired. People don’t do what I tell them. Uh, my team is not working. How can I motivate my team? For example, you know, this is also one of the things because you are the one giving them all the energy all the time. They don’t even know how to create the energy themselves to be able to, you know, to actually take responsibility. Okay. Now I hope that makes sense. This was another episode of media. Yeah. I was a Stevie again, if you’re watching us on YouTube, make sure that you go click here and if you haven’t subscribed click on any of the buttons, they are right here and click subscribe. If you like it and let us know, let us know your thoughts. Um, as I said, you know, it has to kind of leave you with this.

I’m not a kind of a psychologist or anything like that. I don’t really understand the human mind or anything like that. What I do understand is one thing, no matter what happens in my life, I need to create a kind of ways for me to, to be able to be effective and productive. And this is in my mind what I was sharing with you today. This is one of them, you know, to understand that after, you know, being in business for 16 plus years, you know, um, in kind of talking to people, I basically have plenty of clients in our programs. You know, there’s six fields, Oracle, the inner circle in the software that you kind of briefly probably. Uh, so in, uh, in this video at the end of the day, we want to help people and to be able to do that, you know, there is limited energy we have on, by the way, United States that we have a beautiful addition to the family.

Uh, he’s nine months old. Now his name is max and probably we’ll see a picture here. Um, and obviously he needs our help, right? My help as a father. Right. And those of you that have, um, have kids probably will understand this very well. It is one of the priorities and one of the blessings in, in, uh, in our life, right. To be able to pass on sometimes our limiting beliefs to, but, you know, to kind of, um, our knowledge and, uh, create this beautiful human being that can be over good to the world. Right? And for that, you need that energy. You need to be able to manage that and be able to pass it on and educate that little person to become, you know, a full grown, uh, in this case, full grown man. Right. Uh, anyway, with that said again, thank you again for watching this episode again, click, subscribe or comment below, and I hope it was useful and, uh, have an amazing day amazing week wherever you’re watching this, uh, this video from around the world. And we will see you on the next episode of [inaudible] see ya.

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